“Hey, you guys can’t just walk in here and take my things!”
Isolated Showers looked over the steel plate on his shoulder, the only part of his body that wasn’t covered in belts and chains. He grabbed onto his ultradagger, a knife that was twice as large as he was tall, and slipped into a fighting stance. Someone outside of the house started to beatbox a fast-paced tune, drawing the owner’s attention to the window.
The man, his brain sticking out of the top of his head, shook his fist toward the window. “You kids stay off my lawn, too! Don’t think I can’t read your minds and know who you are, either!”
Isolated Showers looked back to his party members, Mainly Sunny and Scattered Thunder. He made a whirring noise with his mouth before opening it to speak, the words falling out of sync with his lips. “Greed is the greatest fault of man. When the desert flower cries for rain, it is the greed of the sky that keeps it from blossoming in my heart forever. My sadness can never be quenched.”
Mainly Sunny jumped up and down, smiling and moving too fast for a normal human being as she bounced around the room, her figure barely contained by the two feet of twine that she wore. “I don’t know! Sometimes you just have to look up at the morning sky and think about how lucky you are! Even if your whole family is killed, at least you won’t have to go out to buy breakfast.”
She laughed even harder when she said that, the sound so high-pitched that it broke every piece of glass in the house. The laughter continued to roll out of her even as tears streamed down her face, her hand shaking as she placed a revolver in her mouth. The sound grew more strained with each impotent click of the hammer as it struck empty chamber after empty chamber.
Scattered Thunder glared off into the distance. “His greed is great, but he will know this! When the Hell Satan Tiger Claw Mech Corps Lightning Tennis Fishery Managers are backed to the wall, they can only fight, as it is all they were taught to do!”
Scattered Thunder threw off his long cloak, revealing another one just like it underneath. All sound stopped when he did so, Isolated Showers reaching out for him. “You must not! Your weakness has made you so weak! Your weak weakness has weakened you too much!”
Scattered Thunder winked back at him, folding to one knee before he puked out every single vital organ from his body, wiping his chin when he was done. “Don’t…don’t turn your back on the people. The people are a lot of humans who need to eat and sleep, but who dream when they are not at work. Their dreams fuel the dreamtube, which gives birth to new forms of tentacles. Only through tentacle love can we live our lives as we always desired.”
Scattered Thunder then rose to his feet, screaming as there was a large flash of light that blinded the man whose house they’d broken into. When the light was gone, all that was left behind was a six-hundred pound pewter statue of a fat man looking up a woman’s skirt. The man started to shake his head.
“Look, I’m going to call the police with my brain waves if you don’t get out of here. I’m summoning them now. With my mind.” He stared at them, pointing his finger while trying to look as threatening as possible.
Isolated Showers made another whirring sound. “No. No. No. Your were my best friend. You’ve been with me since those days on the shore. Those days…so long…ago…”
Isolated Showers pulled out his X-Claymore, Mainly Sunny pulling an entire pipe organ from behind her back, both of them brandishing the weapons at the man. He continued to gesture as frighteningly as possible while trying to keep from bumping his head and forgetting another important aspect of his life since having an exposed brain doesn’t actually grant telepathy or have any practical applications.
“I’m warning you two! Having my brain outside of my skull means I’m dangerous and not extremely vulnerable! Science and common knowledge about the brain don’t change that!”
Isolated Showers pointed with the miniature claymore, his eyes narrowing as he began to cast his spell. “I’ll death you to hell, you helldeather.”
A meteor from space struck the planet as he finished his spell, causing seventeen minutes worth of colorful explosions that ended with every living thing in existence being killed.