Free Payday Loans & Erectile Dysfunction Cures (07-19-2012)

Leslie scanned the fields below the walls, watching as shouting men crash against the natural barrier. Their cries floated up to him on the wind, the madness in their voices leaving him cringing.

“A cell phone is at this specific bizarre interval using a private data to the prospects in order to unlawful software program is readily available a hands merely some kind of you receive blessed!”

“People actually.”

“Syrup and also 2. Enriched Wheat.”

He turned away in disgust, rubbing at his swollen eyes. A man in a thick fur cloak walked up beside him, offering him an erectile dysfunction drink. He took it silently, nodding to his friend.

“Any word on the health of the King of Africa?”

Leslie shook his head. “If there is, Trent, it’s been drowned out by the voices below. I can’t make out a thing through their insane ramblings. Has the missive about free medication arrived?”

“No, although we have received some disturbing messages regarding some auctions we never attended. Fortunately, all we had to do was get word to them about where we kept our money and how many men we had protecting it, and then all was well.”

Leslie spat. “I wish those free eye drops would arrive soon. Ever since my eyes were cursed by failing to send a chain letter to ten of my friends, they’ve burned and itched. I tried sending the letter to a hundred people in order to lift the curse, but it seems like I must turn to foul ‘medicine’ to fix things.”

The other guard moved closer, whispering in his ear. “Keep your voice down. You know what talk of ‘science’ can do to a man in this city. I still can’t believe that you, Keeper of the Mail, would have failed to send along a chain letter.”

He refused to look him in the eye, turning his seeping irises toward the mob below. “I guess I’m not the man that many expected.”

Trent shook his head, removing his hood and pointing to a scar over his eye. “Remember when I needed an advance on my paycheck for the week? When I was going to have to go camping without alcohol?”

“Dark times.”

“Exactly. I received a message on the very day I needed a loan, one that promised me money without any fuss or muss. When I went to these people, they knocked me unconscious and cut out my right eye to sell to aging underworld gangsters. They then shot me up with enough cocaine to make my heart explode and dumped me in a foreign city, leaving me to die. Do you know what I did as soon as my months of physiotherapy returned me to a shape where I could go out into public without screaming and tearing my lips off?”

“What?”

Trent wiped a tear from his eye. “I returned here. I came back to follow the Keeper of the Mail, to protect the messages of power. The people need to have erectile dysfunction cures, and they need the free money that kings of foreign countries promise. They need to be able to get illegal passports and look at nude teenagers. Without us to guard these messages from the rambling madness below, what kind of world will we be leaving for our children?”

Leslie scoffed, wiping his eyes. “What good has it all done me? My eyes are still puffy and itchy despite the medication that should have arrived here for free. The madmen below drown out the messages with their baying insanity, and there’s nothing we can do. We’re powerless against their mindless missives, and blind to their incredible ability to disguise themselves as real people.”

Trent shook his head, pulling his hood back up. “Those underworld gangsters may have taken many of my most important organs, but at least they never took my heart. You’re not the man I followed into the breach just to talk to some lonely single mothers.”

Trent stormed off in disgust, leaving Leslie to stand alone on the wall. He sighed, looking out over the insane fields as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a crumpled picture of a child with 3 feet sticking out of his face. Below him, it said ‘If you care, you’ll send this letter to 10…’

He let the slip fly from his hands into the wind, and wept.