Pariah of the Pack (03-03-2011)

“All right, boys, we’re up to our eyeballs in Feral Prowlers, and I don’t think I have to remind any of you that their favorite food is testicles. So…” Razortooth turned around, seeing a man about to join his group. “Uh, hey Chuck. How’s it going?”

Chuck cocked his much smaller gun, the clip falling out of it. He scrambled to grab it, dropping it a few more times before he could insert it into his gun. The werewolves looked away as he locked the clip back in place. “Pretty good. So, Feral Prowlers, huh? Hope you all remembered your cups! Ha! I brought mine! Bought it second hand and saved mad bucks!”

He started to reach into his pants, almost pulling it out before one of the wolves grabbed his forearm, locking it in place. “Yeah, no, Chuck. You misheard Razortooth. He said…” Chuck watched him expectantly, the wolf looking back and forth to each werewolf in turn, only being met with shrugs. “Something else. He said something else.”

“I was positive that he mentioned Feral Prowlers. I wonder what he said that would have sounded like it.”

Razortooth smacked himself in the forehead. “Yeah, it’s a mystery. Then again, your hearing can’t be as good as ours.”

Chuck’s eyes filled with tears. “What do you mean?”

Grimbite put one hand on his shoulder. “You know. Your ears are shorter than ours are. Less sound gets in that way.”

Chuck brightened up, clapping his hands. “All right, wolf pack! Let’s go get those monsters!”

Feralclaw coughed, elbowing Razortooth. “We can’t bring him, man. He’s not a wolf, like us.”

“Not so loud!”

Chuck whipped his head toward Feralclaw, his eyes glassy. “You saying I’m not tough enough to be with you guys? You saying I don’t got enough of the pack in me?” He lifted the side of his lip up, showing his teeth. “See these babies?” He pulled a piece of jerky from his pocket, jamming it into his mouth. With a snarl, he tried to rip a piece off, taking several minutes before he could get a little bit broken apart. When he did, he backed up, hands in the air with a huge grin on his face.

Razortooth looked at the eyes of each of his men. “Yeah. Totally awesome. You’re such a good werewolf. Can’t believe we almost left without you. Anyway, what we were going to do was go, uh, read books at the library.”

Chuck screwed up his face at the idea. “What? With guns?”

Feralclaw piped in. “Yeah, totally. We were going to look at those educational ones about those tribes of wolves that don’t wear any clothes and other awesome stuff like that. You know how the librarian there gets about us looking at that.”

Chuck pretended his gun was a violin, sticking his tongue out and acting as if he was playing it. “Rock and roll, boys. You know how I love to look at lady parts. Hey, did you ever think of touching another man’s privates? You know, just to see how they felt?”

Razortooth’s jaw dropped open. “Uh, no. I have never wondered that. Anyway, we need you to go first and make sure the librarian isn’t there. If she is there, you may need to seduce her to keep her away.”

Chuck shook his head. “No way, dogs. I’m not doing that. She’s got a lazy eye and smells like a fire in a cabbage factory.”

“Cabbages aren’t…No, never mind. Look, she said she was totally into the fact that you don’t have your fur yet.”

“I have fur! It’s just a really thin coat!”

Grimbite took a deep breath. “Thin coat. Right. Anyway, she totally digs it, so you should go see her right away.”

“All right! See you losers later! I’m gonna go see a real woman with no clothes on!”

Razorclaw sighed, Grimbite putting his hand on his shoulder. “You’d better hope putting a dress on that running wheat thresher fools him, or you’ll never make it into the frat. Count on it.”